How to find your ego
Before it kills you
“Just sit with a deep trust that your inner nature will take over. It always takes over. You only have to wait, only patience is needed. And what soever your mind [ego] says, don’t listen.” Osho
The most important thing that I learned in my entire journey of waking up was the fact that I have an ego. In this article I describe how I found my ego and why it’s vital to your awakening.
In case you did not know, each and every one of us has an ego inside of our psyches. Some refer to it as an egoic-state, a mind-program or the voice in your head. No matter what you call it, your ego is the biggest barrier to you being happy, at peace and awake.
I remember the evening that I discovered my ego. Unlike other people who have studied psychology or been in therapy, I was not familiar with the term at all. I was attending an evening drop-in called Choose Again. It was a program for people who are struggling with traumas, addictions and other life problems. It was designed to help us solve our problems by surfacing our unconscious thoughts and beliefs and heal them.
I was one of nine people sitting in a circle in a living room. We took turns talking about specific problems we were facing and we each walked through a six-step process (that was quite powerful). As I listened to each person describe their own unique situation, I couldn’t help but notice that their problems were fundamentally based on the same thing. No matter what the situation, deep below their awareness was one of the following beliefs:
I am not good enough
I am not loved
I am not safe
I am all alone
I am not lovable or worthy
I don’t have enough
I am flawed, bad or guilty
By the end of the evening, I realized that almost every single person had the exact same bundle of beliefs and that they were the root cause of their problems. I kept wondering how nine complete strangers could all suffer from the same limiting beliefs and what on earth could have happened to cause us all to suffer in the same way.
I also recall wishing I could magically remove these beliefs and end their suffering. And, as you will see below, I was not far from the truth.
Not good enough
At a personal level huge alarm bells went off. From a very young age I had the continual thought that I was not good enough. I struggled with this belief my whole life. I spent thousands of dollars on books and courses over many years. I also spent half my life trying to prove to others that I am actually worthy and lovable, not realizing I had these beliefs.
On that evening I learned from the facilitator that these unconscious false beliefs were buried deep in my psyche and that they were formed in my early childhood when I did not have to skills to make sense of what was happening in my life.
But surely this did not explain why every person shared these beliefs. So I began to research.
Where did these beliefs come from?
After a few months, I came to the realization that yes indeed, to some degree we all share these “core beliefs.” And yes indeed, they are at the root of most human suffering. And yes, they are hidden in our unconscious. Indeed, they are so deep, that they seem to be almost instinctual. Not only that, but most therapy involves trying to remove these false beliefs!
But here is the thing that most people miss: These are not just “beliefs” nor can they be changed easily. For example, some psychologists believe that we inherited these beliefs from past generations (e.g. passed on through our DNA). Others say that they are cellular or in our neurology (e.g. hard-wired). Some say they are mental implants or alien programs.
What is really going on?
No matter how we got them, I still wondered if there was something else going on. For example:
Why do we all have these false beliefs?
Why do we believe them when we know they are not true?
Why are they so hard to surface and replace?
In other words: What are they really for?
As you will see in my next articles, these “beliefs” are not really beliefs at all. They were recognized centuries ago by philosophers and mystics. They are part of the human condition by which we create a self-identity and certain beliefs in our psyche. Psychologically speaking, we form a false identity (or ego) and live with it our whole lives, until we wake up. In other words:
“Forming an identity is a way in which consciousness objectifies itself, makes its self an object …. Identification is a primitive form of self-knowledge- the best we could do as a child, given our limited cognitive capacities.“ John Welwood.
My favorite book describing this false identity is The Untethered Soul. In that book Michael Singer describes the ego as “the inner roommate” in your head. It is the voice inside you who is never content and always has a problem with something. Your roommate is often afraid so can ruin anything you are doing without a moment’s notice. As he says:
“Imagine what it would be like if you didn’t have to bring this thing with you everywhere you go. Real spiritual growth is about getting out of this predicament. But first you have to realize that you’ve been locked in here with a maniac.”
And so, this is how I discovered my ego. I now know that I have an ego (false identify) that is creating these core false beliefs. No wonder I can’t get rid of them easily!
In my next entries I talk about:
What is the human condition?
How to transcend your ego
How being Catholic woke me up
Thank you for joining me.
Stay tuned
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