How your ego is harming you
And how to break free
“The contemporary problem with being human is not that we have Egos, but that too many people have immature Egos, many of them patho-adolescent Egos.“ Bill Plotkin
Most every human being has an “egoic state-of-mind” and this state is holding us back. In this article I describe the egoic state-of-mind, how it is harming you and how to transcend it.
Here is a real-life example of what the ego looks like in action:
Imagine you are a young man and your girlfriend just “ghosted” you. You were dating for a few months and suddenly she no longer returns your calls and rejects all your invitations.
When you are in an egoic-state you will freak out. You will ponder, worry and dwell for days, weeks, maybe months about what happened. You will beat yourself up and accuse yourself of being a terrible partner. You will attack yourself psychologically over and over. At the same time you will probably blame her with equal viciousness and accuse her of being selfish, etc. This will all happen WITHIN your egoic-mind in a type of unconscious additive loop that seems unstoppable.
But this is NOT YOU! You are just in an egoic state-of-mind. Inside of you is a false identity that you call “me.” This persona is much like a random person in your head. It thinks it is real and tells you all sorts of ideas and many are not true or helpful.
In this case this egoic-mind saw the situation as an actual threat to life. It actually felt THAT bad! This is because in an egoic-state it truly feels as if you are being attacked or abandoned. In fact your ego will try to protect you –from pain- by making up random stories and excuses.
In its normal state, the egoic-mind feels unsafe, afraid and under attack. It fears dying most of all and will defend itself at all cost. It is on constant alert and never relaxes. Indeed, it will even hurt others when in fear, as described here:
“When consciousness is restricted to this [egoic-state] individuals come to believe in their separation so strongly that they will hurt each other, harm animals and even destroy their own ecological habitat, without recognizing that in doing so, is partial destruction of themselves.“ James Fadiman
Indeed, the egoic-state is the primary source of all your beliefs of lack, limitation and neediness. In this fearful state you will seek security at any cost.
And because it is invisible and unconscious, it has an incredible addictive quality. Thus it endures even when it no longer serves us. Michael Rodriguez suggests that the egoic-state causes us to act on auto-pilot:
“I know it might be hard at first to accept that most of humanity literally walks through life in a hypnotic trance. Is it possible for people to do things like run companies, drive cars, go to work and manage banks in a literal state of hypnosis? Yes it is.“
How do we deal with this egoic state? How do we stop freaking out?
First, we need to recognize what is happening. We need to understand how the ego works and specifically the role it plays in creating and defending this false identity. Then we can begin to see the clues that indicate we are in an egoic-state and deal with them directly.
First, recognize what is happening
Buried in libraries are thousands of books about the egoic-state, although it goes by many different words. For centuries, mystics and sages have been accusing the egoic-state for the suffering and fall of ALL human kind! Their message is same: All suffering is caused by the mind.
In a deluded egoic-state, our minds cause us to suffer because we can’t see what’s really going on. This state has been refereed to as “the veil of illusion” and causes a huge misconception about who we are, as described here:
“One of the first deep insights that can come to you is that all that suffering is based on a misconception of self. As soon as we conclude that we exist as separate self, then we’ve opened the doorway to suffering.“ Adyashanti
In Western society, the ego got popularized in the 1950’s when it was “discovered” by several psychologists. Both Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung researched the workings of the egoic-mind, found it was the cause of much of our psychological suffering and created ways to surface it and deal with it. Many called this state a dream-state and urged us to wake up from the trance of the ego. For example,
“Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict, pain. Nobody chooses insanity. They happen because there is not enough presence in you to dissolve the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness. You are not fully here. You have not quite woken up yet. In the meantime, the conditioned mind is running your life.” Eckhart Tolle
This egoic-state is said to be an evolutionary necessity. However, because it has over-identified with security and survival, it is wreaking havoc. Luckily at this point in history our human minds are shifting from an egoic-state toward a more conscious-state.
A new conscious state-of-mind
Looking back at the above situation (on ghosting) a person who is aware of their egoic-state and is more conscious, would see the situation differently. He might have a completely new perspective. He might see the departure of his friend as a blessing. He might empathize with her and see how difficult it must have been for her to say that she no longer wanted to be friends.
No matter what, as you learn about your egoic-state, and grow in awareness you will probably see that freaking out and suffering is not completely necessary. Indeed, you might even see how you caused it yourself. Ultimately, through understanding your ego you will be more aware of how it behaves and will be better able to respond rather than react. You may even gain peace of mind.
Stay tuned.
In my next entries I talk about:
The roles and fears the ego.
How to recognize when your ego is acting out.
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