How Your Ego Traps you
The three roles of the ego
“Every human will develop a sense of a separate self, an ego structure. [and] When we see ourselves as separate, as something other than the life around us, it breeds a sense of alienation and a sense of fear. Because when we see life as other, when we see each other as “other,” then all these “others” are seen as potential threats.“ Adyashanti
There is a common saying that, “the only thing that holds you back in life is fear.” But where do all these fears come from? And which fears are real and which are just made up in our minds? And why is it so hard to remove certain fears?
What if I told you that most of your fears come from your egoic-state of mind?
In this article, I describe how the egoic-state of mind works and how it creates fears. In a nut shell, your ego-mind makes you believe that you are in constant danger. In fact, it tries to control your entire life in order to keep you “safe.” Unless you realize what is happening, your fears will literally take over, yet you will have no idea where they are coming form. They will send emotional shockwaves through your body, paralyze you and prevent you from living a full and joyful life.
Here you will learn how your egoic-mind creates a false identity and then protects it at any cost. It does this by playing three specific roles. It establishes a separate identity, it reinforces this identity and then then it defends it, attacking if necessary.
Role 1. The ego creates an identity
Every single human on this planet is operating to some degree from an egoic-state of mind. This ego stands directly in our way.
But how does it work?
Although this might sound odd at first, within your psyche you have an egoic-mind and it creates a false identity or “you.” This “false you” thinks it is you. It creates a distinct identity, and uses the word “I” to describe itself. For example, you might say, I am Maureen, I am a lawyer and I am a physical body. The ego sees itself a separate and distinct from other people, from other life on the planet and from the source of life.
In other words, it goes about its daily life trying to maintain the physical body, not realizing that there is an energy source beyond it. It sees its main function as self preservation of the body - at all costs.
The ego plays a useful function by protecting your physical body from physical harm, but in a juvenile state it tends to overprotect and in doing so prevents you from living freely and fully. The famous sage, Ramana Maharshi saw the ego-identity as the main cause of human suffering and defined it as the “I-thought“ as distinguished from the “true self” (e.g., the infinite self, awareness or consciousness).
How did this false identity form? Although there are many suggestions (and I mentioned a few in my prior articles) Michael Rodriguez (“Boundless Awareness”) suggests that as infants we were all “shocked” out of our natural “infinite self’ into a self-protecting machine. And as we each suffer traumas and woundings in our lives, we become even smaller and more fearful. We forget our true powerful selves and fear becomes a habit. He says,
“These primal wounds were deeply embedded in cell memory because they shocked the soft innocence of your system…Repeated patterns of self-contraction based on fear and desire slowly lead to a tendency in boundless awareness to contract out of self-protection as a way of life.”
In this role your egoic-mind:
thinks you are only your physical presence and thus rejects all ideas that you are more than just a body/mind. For example, you reject the idea that you might be pure energy or an extension of infinite source.
thinks your mind and thinking can solve all problems and provide all answers. Thus you do not trust intuition, insight or other forms of higher knowing.
thinks you will die and not live on as energy when you leave this physical plane. So you live in a heightened state of fear of physical pain and death. You tend to not trust life and seek survival at all cost.
Role 2. The ego reinforces itself
The second role of the egoic-mind is to reinforce itself and prove it is real. It does this by providing evidence of its worth, often by obtaining things in the material world. For example, it collects jobs, homes, cars, education, experiences, credentials, friends, and family members.
These things are used to prove that “this identity” is real, solid and important. In an egoic-state these possessions reinforce and fortify the egos’ sense of “self” and provides a feeling of strength and control.
The ego needs to feel strong and completely in control – of events, people, and circumstances. It acts like a “lone boss.” Indeed, it thinks it is all powerful. It does this because it can not grasp the idea that there is anything outside of itself – such as an infinite creator or source of life.
In this role you will do things like:
prove that you are worthy by doing things that society approves of,
establish your importance by gaining credentials, like education and jobs,
strive and struggle to achieve accolades,
look to others to satisfy your needs, and
seek relationships to feel good about yourself.
Role 3. The ego protects itself
The third role of the ego is protection and self preservation. Thus it protects and defends itself and will attack if need be.
Since it thinks it is all alone and operating without any support, the egoic-mind often feels vulnerable, weak and powerless. Indeed, the ego-state is recognized most easily by a constant feeling of low-grade fear. It can never fully relax. To deal with this state of fear, the ego builds a type of fortress around itself and tries to maintain tight control. It builds both physical and psychological defences and boundaries.
The ego protects your body from harm and from anything that it perceives as “dangerous.” It will do everything possible to keep you “safe.” The ego will even blame and attack others or their ideas if it feels threatened:
“The ego, the prince of fear, which always constructs defences against what it perceives as threatening, will balk at this approach [of seeing fear instead of attack]. It will scream: “But you will be destroyed! Danger! Get those defences ready! Attack back or flee as fast as you can! And above all else save face! You’re a weakling and a pushover if you don’t defend or counterattack!” To listen to this inner voice is the real danger, however. The ego never ever tells the truth about what will make us safe! Its solutions and defences always bring more fear, danger or attack.” Henry Grayson
In this role you will do things like:
protect yourself, both physically and psychologically,
try to control life circumstances,
prove that you are right,
not admit mistakes,
defend your ideas and attack others when questioned,
try to be perfect,
not show vulnerability, and
judge and condemn others.
As you can probably see, these three roles of the egoic-mind (e.g., creating, reinforcing and defending a false identity) explain why we are so fearful and why we behave as we do – often attacking and defending without understanding why. For example, it explains why you might argue over ideas or why you need to be right or feel important. It explains why you might feel desperate to gain the approval of others.
Filling the void
At the root of these three roles is one fundamental error of the egoic-mind. That error is that it thinks that it is separate from the infinite source of life, as described here,
“So this desire for demands – just like the desire for control- actually arises out of this state of consciousness where we imagine ourselves, and everyone else, to be different and separate. But again, the notion that we are separate is not really true; it’s all made up. It’s all conjured up in our mind. It’s one big lie.” Adyashanti
This belief (or illusion of separation) also causes a most painful human experience, often called existential angst. In fact, at some level we all feel a sense of emptiness and lack of meaning. Also seen as “the missing piece” or a void, we spend much of our lives trying to fill the void so we can stop the painful feelings. We fill the void with foods, sex, work and other comforts. But ultimately none of these satisfies the deep ache.
Until you reject the idea that you are all alone in the universe and separate from the source of life, you will continue to experience fear, pain and dysfunction. But slowly as you realize what is going on you will begin to experience more and more a natural sense of security, confidence and safety that emerges when in a state of unity, as described here:
“Science has proven what the Buddha said 2500 years ago, what any system of spiritual exploration has taught for thousands of years – the fundamental unity of everything, that everything is connected to everything else. Science has shown the pathways, clarified the physiology, right down to the molecular level- yet in our own [medical] practice, we completely ignore all that. Never mind that we ignore ancient wisdom – we actually ignore modern science when we practice the way we practice.” Dr. Gabor Mate
As we wake up, we can see more clearly that we are all connected and that the ego is actually a false identity. We can then see how the three roles maintain it but also cause us to act out. As we see this, we become more competent at detecting the ego, reducing our fears and gain back self-control and peace.
Stay tuned.
In my next entries I talk about:
Five Red Flags - The five main egoic behaviors that cause harm
What is wounding? The core false beliefs and fears of the ego
This is an excerpt from my upcoming book (Wake the F Up).
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