If you think you are Not Good Enough
You must read this
“Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are.” Osho
If you have ever felt not good enough, not worthy or guilty for no obvious reason, then this article is for you.
Whether you realize it or not, all humans suffer from six universal fears and false beliefs. We inherited them as part of our Human Condition and although they probably originated as survival mechanisms, they now invisibly wreak havoc on our lives. For much of our lives, they keep us afraid and feeling weak, vulnerable and unsafe. But they are so deeply embedded in our psyches we don’t even realize they are there.
In this article I describe the six fears and beliefs, where they came from and why they are so persistent. In my next article I talk about how to use shadow-work to help temper these fears and beliefs.
Where did these beliefs and fears come from?
I discovered these universal fears and beliefs a few years ago at a shadow-work seminar. There were about a dozen of us and I recall sitting in a circle sharing our current struggles. Several of the participants experienced trauma and addiction and many were aware that their unconscious fears and beliefs were at the foundation of many of their problems.
As I listened to each person describe their own unique situation, I noticed that all their problems were rooted in a handful of identical beliefs. No matter what the situation, deep below their awareness was one or more of the following six beliefs:
I am not worthy (not good enough; flawed).
I am not safe.
I am weak (powerless; helpless; not strong).
I am all alone (not loved).
I do not have enough (scarcity).
I am guilty (bad; irredeemable).
Equally interesting, was that almost every person experienced a series of related fears, namely:
Fear of being rejected
Fear of dying
Fear of being physically hurt
Fear of being abandoned
Fear of being destitute (starvation)
Fear of being outcast
As you can see, both the beliefs and the fears are related to each other and also, related to the fear of death. All of them relate in some way to protecting themselves from harm or death.
By the end of the evening, I realized that almost every single person had within his or her psyche these six beliefs and these six fears. And, most surprising, they were causing many of their problems!
I kept wondering how several strangers could all suffer from the same limiting beliefs and fears. I also could not help but think: What if we could magically remove these beliefs and fears? In theory we could put an end to ALL human suffering!
Several months later, as I was doing research for this book, I came to the realization that, yes indeed:
we all share these “universal beliefs” to some degree;
they are often reinforced through life experiences;
they are at the root of most human suffering; and
they are hidden in our subconscious (Shadow).
But here is the interesting thing: They may not have been created by us in childhood as many psychologists believe. No matter what your childhood was like, almost ever person has them. Unlike other fears and beliefs, they are not only shared by all humans, but are much more permanent. They are almost instinctual, like an imprint or programming.
Although they seem to protect humans from danger, they limit us in profound ways in situations where there is no danger at all. Not only that, these fears and beliefs get reinforced and solidified day-by-day unless we stop them.
Why is this so important? If they are universal and imprinted, then the standard methods of changing beliefs, such as talk-therapy, do not work. We need to use deeper and more powerful methods to shift them.
The egoic mind created them to stay safe
The deeper reason why these fears and beliefs are so deeply embedded, is because they are part of the ego-identity (as part of the Human Condition.)
When the egoic-mind formed its false identity (see my prior articles) and established its role as protector and defender of “you” (the false self) it imposed on each of us a fearful state of mind. When we are in this fearful egoic-state we judge, blame, endlessly seek, control, regret and worry (see my article, “The five red flags of the ego.”)
But the egoic mind does something even more insidious. In order to protect and defend us even more, it creates six foundation beliefs and accompanying fears. By doing so, we are kept so fearful that we will never escape the egoic mind! And it works hand-in-hand with the Shadow. Each day we supress feeling and memories in our Shadow. Some are big, some are small. We do this because we are too afraid to deal with them.
So rather than simply deal with them, these fears and accompanying beliefs get frozen in the Shadow, reinforcing the very fears we were avoiding. In doing so, we inadvertently reinforce the six universal fears and beliefs and they become even stronger. The result is that we humans are made to feel weak, small, powerless - and thus controllable.
These beliefs are persistent
So here is the problem: Since these are universal core beliefs and fears, they cannot be easily changed by use of the (egoic) mind or by simply thinking (e.g., repeating affirmations). Indeed, your egoic mind will stubbornly refuse to let go of the very beliefs and fears it created to protect you! The only way to change these core beliefs is by going “beyond the egoic mind.”
This explains why techniques like hypnotherapy, tapping and EMDR that go beyond the mind have better results at shifting these beliefs (I cover this below in my chapter on Being.)
In his book “Letting Go,” David Hawkins suggests that standard talk-therapy does not consider anything beyond the ego mind because its’ main goal is a well-adjusted ego, as stated here:
“It [psychotherapy] ignores or does not comprehend the great forces that determine, drive and control the mind. Since the purpose of most psychotherapy is a well-adjusted ego, there is no conception of what is beyond ego.”
This is important because so many of us have been told that we simply need to change our thoughts or change our behaviours. You know the popular sayings: ”Be the change” and “Change your thoughts, change your life.” We are often told that we simply need to fake it until we make it or replace our limiting beliefs with more positive ones and yet these beliefs and fears persist.
Shadow work can shift beliefs
Although these beliefs are deep, shadow-work (described in the next article) is still a powerful tool for surfacing the unconscious. The techniques typically used circumvent the egoic mind through the use of emotions. Shadow-work also often makes use of the body, the five senses and our inner felt-sense to access the hidden fears ad beliefs. This is why so many of the books about shadow-work are about feeling and processing emotions. As you will see, it’s through emotions that the psyche’s fears and beliefs are discovered and released.
As a side note, until recently, many psychologists believed that surfacing emotions and clearing them was enough to heal trauma. Recently, however, shadow-work has moved to investigating the engrained beliefs and fears that underlie the trauma. This is explained here by author Henry Grayson,
“The encounter movement of the sixties and seventies made us aware that suppressed and repressed emotions are not healthy. An emphasis in much of psychotherapy from that time was to get out the feelings, which helped to free us from the unconsciousness, repression and empty intellectualizations. Now we know, however, that simply getting out one’s feelings is not an end in itself, but must be for the purpose of understanding which perceptions, thought constellation, and belief system give rise to the emotion.“
Ultimately, when we wake up and move from an egoic-state of mind to an awake-state these dissolve and are replaced with new ones, similar to the following:
Egoic Beliefs/Imprints Awakened Beliefs/Imprints
I am not worthy I am good enough
I am not safe I am safe enough
I am weak I am strong enough
I am alone I am loved and belong
I don’t have enough I have enough
I am bad and guilty I am innocent
The bottom line is this: Each of us inherits a set of six universal fears and six beliefs (or imprints) as part of the Human Condition. These were created by the egoic-mind (as a false identity) as part of it’s attempts to protect us from harm. However, they now limit us and must be surfaced and integrated for us to be free and living fully. To do this, we can engage in shadow-work and also employ tools that go beyond the mind.
In the next article I describe how shadow-work can help surface them and integrate them. In the last chapter of my book I explain how to go beyond the egoic mind.
Stay tuned.
In my next entries I talk about:
What is shadow-work?
How to integrate your shadow.
This is an excerpt from my upcoming book: “Wake the F Up.” Thanks for joining me on the journey! This substack is completely supported by you the readers. The best way to support me is to buy my books, invite me to speak or become a subscriber here.