Pay attention to your triggers
It's your opportunity to heal your Shadow
“In this intelligent and reflective universe, every moment, every experience, holds the key to knowing ourselves more deeply. Greif, sadness, joy, disapproval, desire – all the forms through which the divine appears – the medicine we need to absorb in order to truly taste our essence.“ Zaya and Maurizio Benazzo p 187
In my prior article I described how projection works to surface your Shadow. In a nutshell, we “project” our inner fears and beliefs onto others and outer circumstances. Thus, when we are irritated, frustrated or triggered, it usually means that your Shadow is at play. It’s usually a sign that there is something inside of you that needs to be cleared or integrated. Another big clue is depression.
In this article I explain how to use your irritation, triggers and depression to see your hidden Shadow and uncover and release your deeper fears and beliefs that are causing you to suffer.
Irritations and your Shadow
As a general rule, I see all irritations as a sign of my Shadow. This is because any discomfort that I feel is, at some level, my rejection of what is happening. One quick way to determine if it’s your Shadow acting up is by noticing the presence of the following three things:
you are triggered, irritated or bothered, but no one else is;
you feel very uncomfortable and your emotions are intense; and
your feelings have a sense of familiarity about hem.
In other words, if you are bothered, experience emotional discomfort and feel a sense of familiarity, it’s likely that your Shadow is calling you. For example:
Are you triggered? If you experience an intense emotional reaction without an obvious cause (e.g, there is no lion chasing you) it is usually because something is activated inside our psyche. Your very reaction indicates that you are bothered in some hidden way. For example, you might see a red car and get sad, whereas another person would not have this response. The irritation is often unique to you.
Are you feeing intense discomfort? If your feelings seem be very intense or out of proportion to what is happening, your Shadow is likely being activated. Your feelings might seem to be coming from a deep place, and feel dense or heavy. They often feel stressful and are difficult to brush aside. In fact, a major clue is when, no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to let go of the feelings – sometimes for days. All attempts using reason and logic fail.
Does it feel familiar? The last clue is when you experience a vague sense of familiarity around the emotions. You sense that you have felt these feelings many times before. Sometimes you will notice several situations happening in a row, over a few days that trigger the same feeling. Although on the surface you might feel angry or frustrated, you sense that there is a deeper pattern. The feeling often reminds us of something, but we don’t know exactly what.
Depression and your Shadow
Another major clue that the Shadow is at play is depression. Not only is depression usually a sign that we have supressed our emotions (which is not good), but it is often a sign that it’s time for us to deal with something hidden (this may not include biological-based depression).
It is often a call to surface something that is necessary for our growth and expansion. Usually it is some experience that we have not managed well or buried, that needs to come out, as suggested here:
“Depression is the result of ignorance and mismanagement of experience. We fall into a pattern of supressing feelings instead of allowing them to release, which results in addictive tendencies, depletion of energy and the condition we call depression.“ John Ruskan
Importantly, the supressed emotions can cause a type of stockpile or dam of undigested feelings that dampens our energy and prevents us from living fully, as explained here,
“The essential point is this: managed emotions result in depression. For me the most precise definition of depression is a bad case of supressed emotions, emotions that have been managed instead of being felt, digested, understood, assimilated and acted on in a way that preserves and improves our relationships. When a person is depressed in this way, she has a significant backload of undigested feelings piled up behind an inner dam, blocking the natural flow of her psyche and her life.“ Bill Plotkin
Although supressed feelings can be the “cause” of depression, the more important question is, What was being supressed and Why? In other words, What is it that lies below the emotions that is needing to surface at this time?
For example, you may have quite normal thoughts and ideas that you buried because, at some point in time, your parents or others told you to. For example, your parents might have told you to forget becoming an artist, so you are now an accountant and depressed about your choice of careers. Or perhaps you got pressured into get married at a young age. You might be depressed because you feel stuck and can’t admit that you made a mistake. In both cases you might experience depression, causing you to ask questions about your current situation. Often, the depression is calling you to surface it, sort it out and free yourself of the pain it is causing.
As for a remedy to depression (as you will see below) if friends try to tell you to “snap out of it,” you need to know that the solution does not involve dampening emotions or feeling less, but rather about feeling even more. By feeling your emotions fully you are able to surface your Shadow and the hidden beliefs and fears that you have buried.
Some shadow work techniques
So how to you deal with your Shadow? There are many techniques used by psychologists and others around the world. They are designed to both surface and integrate your fears and beliefs.
Many involve remembering your childhood memories and locate when the traumatic memory was formed. Let’s say you recently got triggered by a dog that jumped up on you. In many of the techniques you will engage in a process that locates the original hidden fear from childhood, surface it and heal, clear or integrate it. As author Susan Anderson says, you have an inner child who is still afraid and needs to be cared for,
“The child has long been within you, making its needs known, trying to control and interfere in your adult life. When you feel insecure, for instance, it is the child within you who is insecure, the child who feels desperate for acceptance and approval. It is also the child who is afraid to take risks and the child who sabotages your attempts to form new relationships. Rather than forsake these feelings, your task is to accept and care for this long-abandoned part of yourself.”
One of the most common Shadow-work techniques is called voice dialogue or inner child work. This process involves dialoguing with an aspect of your Shadow.
Here is how it works: You sit alone or with a counsellor and imagine a younger version of yourself (often called the inner child or wounded child). You then talk to her and ask her about what was happening at that time. In doing so, you can surface her particular fears and needs and also the beliefs she formed at that time. Then, using your adult self, you console the inner child and replace the outdated belief. In many cases the original belief shifts when the inner child truly feels the love, forgiveness and security that she needed so badly at that time.
Voice dialogue was developed by psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone in the 1970s. They taught how to identify and speak with all of our “inner selves” and discover what each part needs and what each has to offer. The process helps surface our disowned selves and make sense of the inner struggles we have between our various inner selves by communicating and collaborating with them.
Recently, Shadow-work has become popular due to the work of Richard Schwartz, and his process called “internal family systems.” He helps individuals identify their various “parts” that form part of your internal “family” and help them converse with each other. It is a powerful technique for surfacing the Shadow and can also be fun.
One of my favorite techniques, offered by Tsultrim Allione, is called “Feeding Your Demons.” In that process you imagine in detail your inner “demon” (Shadow) and what it looks like. Then you invite him or her to fully express her strong emotions and demands. The beauty of this process is that it is based on deep self-compassion and full respect for the Shadow. As well, it incorporates an “ally” or imagined support person (e.g., your higher self) that you visualize to assist in the process, so you are not all alone. This ally can then be accessed after the exercise is over when the Shadow emerges again.
In summary, both triggers and depression can be used to help you surface your hidden Shadow and uncover and release your deeper fears and beliefs that are causing you to suffer. As for triggers if you are irritated, feel deep emotional discomfort and also sense some familiarity, it’s likely that your Shadow is calling you. As for depression, although it often caused by supressing emotions (which causes blockages of life energy) it is also often a clue that something in the psyche needs to surface and heal. There are several ways in which to do Shadow-work, such as “inner child” work. I share my own four-step Shadow process in my next article.
If you want to learn more about Shadow-work please read the works of psychologist Carl G. Jung and any of the popular Depth Psychologists who have dedicated their lives to researching the Shadow and pain-body. Here are my favorites:
o Tsultrim Allione, “Feeding Your Demons”
o Michael Brown, “The Presence Process”
o David Hawkins, “Letting Go”
o Bill Plotkin, “Wild Mind”
o John Ruskan, “Emotional Clearing”
o Richard Schwartz, “No Bad Parts” (Internal Family Systems)
o John Welwood, “Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships”
Stay tuned.
In my next entries I talk about:
My four-step Shadow-work process
20 Tips for doing any inner work
This is an excerpt from my upcoming book: “Wake the F Up.” Thanks for joining me on the journey! This substack is completely supported by you the readers. The best way to support me is to buy my books, invite me to speak or become a subscriber here.