My friend just told me she is leaving her husband after 15 years. Her words were, “He is sound asleep and has no interest in waking up.“ She said she could no longer imagine being in a relationship with a man who did not want to wake up and create a beautiful life together.
Curiously, I watched a great video the night before called “The Escape” (with Gemma Arterton). It was a beautiful film about this type of situation (and the importance of mothers waking up). Indeed, it triggered many of my own feelings in my past relationship (as well as my parents).
The movie is about a mother of two young children who runs away to Paris when she realizes she was deeply unhappy and had “lost herself.” The movie describes what happens when women fall into the “institution of motherhood” and become slaves to their husbands and children. (Please read my book “Motherhood is Madness” if you want to learn about what we could do if we REALLY wanted to change the situation for mothers).
Anyway, what became very clear is that many people (mothers in particular) are very unhappy but do not have the self awareness to know what is going on or what to do.
If this is happening to you or your friends, here is my advice
1. We must know who we are. From the day we are born we are shaped by our family, friends, the media and all of society. The first step to waking up is realizing this. Then you need to unpack the programming until you can find your true self. Ask yourself: What do you really like? Who do you really want to be? Your true self is waiting for you to fully blossom, expand and embrace all that you are.
2. We must reject the powerful messages that keep us small and contained. Our whole society uses many techniques to keep us as prisoners. The media keeps telling us to just accept things the ways they are. They tell us that the 9-9 work day and the 9-3 school day are just perfect. They tell us sending our kids to a building that looks like a prison is just fine. Or working 24/7 for a few days off each week is the best we can hope for. Who invented this insanity? It is not true freedom, so wake up to the messages and challenge them.
3. We must believe we are important. We are all so much more than small random dust particles. Each of us has significance to the whole of humanity. Like a bright colour in a kaleidoscope, you are necessary and important. Don’t let others tell you otherwise. You have to own your worth yourself, because others will not.
The sad part about waking up when you are in marriage is that you may have to do things differently. You may need to coordinate, flex, compromise and even leave. You may also lose other relationships. You might fracture friendships. Your children might think you are “going spiritual” or losing your mind.
But the cost of staying asleep and losing yourself are so much higher.
At the end of the day, the choice is always yours. If you compromise it’s totally okay. There are consequences to all decisions we make. However, as you wake up you will see that there are only two choices to make: one is acting from fear and one is acting from love. I hope you choose love.
Please go to my website if you want to learn more about me and my books.
Will waking up cause divorce?